Sluts, Sex, and Good Parenting

Love this blog: mamapop — a smart, sassy award-winning pop culture blog written by parents for parents “and anyone else who understands that playtime is better with vodka.”

...but does she use wire hangers?

My favorite posts include the worst film ever; Tiger Woods; and this one on Sandra Bullock, Jesse James, and his ex-wife, Janine Lindemulder, “One of These Things is not like the Other.”

They’re embroiled in a custody battle claiming Lindemulder isn’t a suitable mother.  Yes, Jesse James’s former wife was a porn star (being a star in a competitive market so that’s gotta mean something). Plus, as the author notes, Jesse wasn’t hemming and hawing about family values when he married her and had a baby with her. And,  Jesse definitely wasn’t thinking about his kids when he had his fling with Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, who, like Lindermulder, also has tattoos and operates an X-rated webcam. I guess that’s Jesse’s thing…

So, the point is not whether Lindemulder is a good mother or not; or whether she was a porn star or whether people in that industry can be good parents.  I personally don’t view it because as the author says, “my mind is its own hotbed of lust.”

No, any rational debate about being a good parent is lost as soon as the word “slut” or “porn star” is used, which it inevitably is next to her name. Which is interesting since so many kids I’ve worked with have horrible parents, none of whom were porn stars. Some were even doctors or accountants.  I have yet to see the study comparing the children of those in one industry vs. another.

I dislike the word “slut,” flinch when I hear it. The word itself simply means a person who sleeps around. Fine — if it were used for men and women. But it’s not. It implies an immoral woman; it connotes how a woman dresses is a reflection on one’s sexual habits; it implies people who enjoy safe, consensual sex are worse people than those who don’t. It’s used often to dismiss women and pass judgment; used by those who are more often than not jealous about how much attention someone else is getting or how a woman happens to fill out a dress more than any qualms about her sexual practices.

If I want to talk about people who use other people for sex unethically or criminally, there is a long list of words available that I don’t care to repeat and even more words for those who don’t dress well that don’t perpetuate myths about an entire gender: tacky, boozhoo, the gender-neutral skank, inappropriate, effed up, or how about just Kim Kardashian (gorgeous girl but what is up with those outfits??!)

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